Having effective 1:1s with your manager

Inspired by @polotek’s recent post My Approach to 1-on-1s, I thought I’d offer my own approach to 1:1s from the perspective of the report rather than the manager. 1:1s are a key part of how I communicate with my manager and offer me an opportunity to address issues that I find important, ranging from team operations to career development. 

I’ve found these meetings to be most effective when I come prepared with an agenda of topics to discuss and strategies for communicating them effectively. I recognize that my manager’s time is valuable, and I want to show them that I value it by putting thought into how we use the meeting. Also, when I don’t come prepared with an agenda, the conversation is usually more superficial and less relevant to my direct happiness and growth. My 1:1 time is my one opportunity to focus the conversation on my needs, and I want to use it well.

I write down my talking points (usually between 1 and 5 per week) in a doc that my manager has access to, so that they can see that I’ve put thought into the conversation and begin to think through the topics ahead of time if desired. Over time I’ve calibrated the amount of detail to put into my written agenda prior to the meeting: usually around one line per talking point is a good balance. I generally jot down my topics throughout the week as they occur to me so that I don’t forget, but when I occasionally don’t have anything written down prior to the meeting, I’ll make sure to reserve some time at the beginning of the day of the 1:1 to give it some thought.

The talking points that I bring to a 1:1 generally fall into one of three categories:

Team operations (people and technical)

The one goal that my manager and I most strongly share is for the team to be operating as effectively as possible. As such, this is the area where I focus the majority of our time. I try to give feedback on things that I think are working well or not on our team and call out opportunities for ways that I think that the team could be operating more efficiently. Some sample topics for my agenda might include:

• My teammate and I collaborated really well on that last project. Can we try to find more opportunities for us to work together going forward?
• I think this project could be moving faster if Internal Tool X that we depend on for testing had Y features. Could we talk to the team that owns it to explain our pain points?
• I think it’s really important for the growth of our product that we invest in tooling to make future development easier. How would you feel about migrating from technology X to Y as part of this project so that we can reduce development time on the next project?
• I’m a little confused about the ownership of some of the responsibilities for this track of work. Can we get to a little more clarity on who’s doing what?

One strategy that I’ve found for effectively communicating my thoughts in these areas is to map my feedback back to values, either ones that I know that my manager holds or to the official values of the company, which we’ve both implicitly agreed to uphold. For example, my company has a value around operating efficiently, so if I’m confused about who’s doing what on a project, I might explain how the confusion is leading to duplicated work that violates that value.

I’ve also found it important to keep my feedback in this area balanced by making sure to call out things that are both working and not working well (not necessarily in each meeting, but overall over time.) When I feel that something isn’t working well on my team, I try to convey that to my manager in the form of curiosity rather than skepticism, such as by pointing out examples of things that confused or surprised me, to give my manager and teammates the benefit of the doubt and acknowledge that I may have incomplete information. I also try to respect my manager’s time by bringing to them not only problems but also several potential solutions that I may just need their help implementing.

Self-promotion and career development

Particularly when I have a manger who’s not closely involved with my day-to-day work, I use 1:1s as an opportunity to point out my achievements and ask for opportunities that might further my career development. Some sample topics in this area include:

• I’m really happy with how that last project turned out! We delivered it on time and the experiment results showed a big impact on our KPIs, and I think it was a great opportunity for me to showcase my leadership and problem solving skills.
• I’ve been working hard on my written communication after the recent feedback you gave me, and I think it really showed in that last project proposal I wrote. What do you think?
• I think the team could really benefit from having an in-house domain expert in Area X, and it’s something I’d love to learn more about. Can you help me find resources around the org or externally to learn more about it?

One tactic that I’ve found helpful for keeping my manager and me aligned on my development progress is to frequently call back to areas that we’ve identified as having room for improvement. When I reference that particular skill as part of a recent accomplishment, my manager knows that I’ve been taking their feedback seriously and can more easily articulate my progress come review time.

When I make requests of my manager for opportunities or resources to aid in my career development, I also try to point out how that opportunity will benefit the team rather than just myself. I recognize that my manager has limited resources available to them and priorities beyond my individual growth, so where possible I try to frame the impact of granting my request in a way that’s more aligned with their broader goals.

Asking for advice/feedback

I also use 1:1 time to leverage my manager’s skills and expertise for the benefit of myself and the team. Over time as I build a relationship with a manager, I come to learn what their strengths and passions are and where I might best be able to learn from their expertise. If the manager comes from a strong technical background, I may ask for advice on architecture for a new system I’m designing. If they are adept at team building, I may instead ask for help navigating tricky team dynamics.

Aside from generally viewing my manager as someone with a set of experiences and skills that I can learn from, I also want their feedback on areas I could be improving in, both for my own growth and to minimize surprises in performance reviews.

For example:

• Would you mind taking a look at my recent project proposal and helping point out any edge cases or side effects I may have missed?
• I had a tense interaction with a teammate on the project we’re working on. Do you have any advice on how I might be able to better communicate with them?
• Do you have any feedback for me on my testing strategy for releasing that upcoming feature?

I’ve found that it’s often better to frame these types of questions for my manager in terms of “advice” or “thoughts.” The word “feedback” has official performance review connotations that may catch them off guard and avoiding it can often lead to a more casual and frank conversation. I’ve also found that asking my manager for advice signals trust in them and strengthens our relationship.

When I’m asking for feedback, I try to make my requests specific rather than broadly asking “Do you have any feedback for me?” Specific requests lead to more substantive conversation. Also, by focusing my requests on specific areas of growth that I’m focusing on, it makes it easier to build a cohesive narrative around my development over time.

While these three areas are how I generally spend my 1:1 time with my manager, the amount of time I dedicate to each one and the specifics within them are often subject to change based on what I’m working on at the moment and the unique characteristics of my manager. As I build a relationship with a new manager, I’m always trying to hone a better understanding of what they value and where their strengths lie to adjust how I communicate with them. There’s no one size fits all answer, but I’ve found this to be a useful framework to start from.